I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
