idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
