I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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