I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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