this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
