I wannas sexs uuuuu
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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