Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
