SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
