Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
