is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
