Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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