im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i think i have two assholes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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