I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
