I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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