I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
