I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
