Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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