It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
