Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
