Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
