why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
