I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
