fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
