i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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