Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
