an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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