How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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