you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
