I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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