You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize