We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
