So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
