he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
