No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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