I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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