Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
