Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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