he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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