Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
