is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
