He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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