I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
