Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
