I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
