if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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