My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
