I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
