those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
