why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
