I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
