She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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