I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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