dude i'm inner monologue high
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
