Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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